... heaven's ugliest ...

Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate.

St. Peter says, "Okay, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you end with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them."

She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

... quick laugh ...

Teacher : History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.

Student : Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.Teacher : Why?

Student : There is no future in it

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Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?

Ted : $10.Teacher : You don't know maths.

Ted : You don't know my father!

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Mother : David, come here.

David : Yes, mum?

Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.

David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.

Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

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Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?

Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8

Father : So?

Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

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A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence.

The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter : It's mummy!

Father : How do you know?

Daughter : She didn't say anything.

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Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes Dear

Girl: Would you die for me?

Boy: No, mine is undying love

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Man: How old is your father?

Boy: As old as me

Man: How can that be?

Boy: He became a father only when I was born

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Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.

Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

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Teacher : Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?

Simon : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!

Son : That's why I say she's no good!

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Teacher: 'Where were u born?'

Student: ' Singapore , Sir.'

Teacher: 'Which part?'

Student: 'All of me, Sir.'

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A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?'

Only one hand shot up.

'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher.

'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.'

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Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'

Ah Kow: 'No comb, Sir.'

Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'

Ah Kow: 'No hair, Sir.'

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A boy came home from school with his exam results.

'What did u get?' asked his father.

'My marks are under water,' said the boy.

'What do u mean 'under water'?'

'They are all below 'C' (sea) level'

... 該去該留？ ...

最近工作有點不愉快。很苦惱是否該讓一切變零。已經開始有那種每天需要很大的力氣拖着空虛的軀殼工作。

知道這是一件壞事，因爲曉得每次有這感覺時就是該盤算該去該留… 一個很矛盾的抉擇。

我也發現我漸漸失去那種衝勁了。不相干的事我不聞不問、或者該說我學會了不聞不問?

很多時候我的關心好像變成好管閑事。導致不必要、多餘的爭吵。我非常渴望真的有個地方（最好是沒人的小島）能讓我有棲身之地。不需要華麗的閙區也不必有迷人的景色。我只要一個屬於我的天地，更不需要很大的空間。

能完成這小小的願望嗎？